My prayer today, just now at my desk, started like this: Please God, let my meeting with C go well today. Let it go smoothly and quickly and let him be pleased with me.

I was slightly anxious all morning, and after planning on praying about the (very unimportant yet solo) meeting many times, I actually had the chance to think complete thoughts to the Lord at my desk. I typed out my prayer, and as I begged the Lord to give me favor with my boss, my words quickly rerouted. I am scared of a man? These words surfaced:

What can man do to me? For I am convinced that neither life nor death, angels nor demons, height nor depth nor all the powers in creation can seperate me from the love that is in Jesus Christ.

I know those are not the actual verses verbatum, but want to incribe them on my hands and arms and heart- somewhere where I will remember them daily and feel the warmth of my God who sees me. I am overwhelmed by the power of those words, and its implications. Nothing can harm me.

Except maybe awkwardly waiting for the presentation to load as we sit in silence...

Surprise Surprise Surprise!

We just turned in our HERHER masterplanning project last night, after countless weeks of 9:30am-11pm workdays. (am I ever going to adjust to the southern early 8am office hours?) And Mike (my awesome supervisor) said it went VERY well--which, may as well be gold in my hands. So all I have on my mind is tacos with the office for lunch and a wonderful weekend in ANNAPOLIS!!

But, first a step back...I got to go HOME last weekend!!! I wanted to write about it all week, but it needed to be a surprise. My sweet, generous, selfless neighbors called me about two weeks ago and offered to fly me down to see my bro graduate law school!! This was perfect because A. I didn't get to see him graduate Baylor, and really wish I had. B. My grandpa and uncle were coming in too, so it would be a full-fledged family affair and C. I was missing the whole state of Texas VERY much.

I had looked into buying a ticket a few weeks earlier, but couldn't quite afford one, and wasn't sure if I could take a day off of work (Friday). When Kathy called to suggest the idea, I jumped up from my seat and asked Mike's permission right away. He said "of course" (did I mention he's awesome?). I booked the flight. And I was on cloud 9 for the next week and a half!

The weekend was wonderful--just short and sweet and much needed. The best part was that no one had ANY idea that I was coming!!! (I literally cried on the plane as we flew over downtown because I was so excited) And I was so proud of Clay for making it through law school--which I do not recommend and will never attempt.

BUT I'm at work, soooo I should finish later.
I'll put pictures of the Navy dance on facebook!

Nothing Really

WASSSSSS? Es ist Mai???

It's May. It is May 2011... bah. Reality check: my small group of four years back in Austin is meeting for the last time tomorrow. My brother is graduating law school. These are things I always saw in the distant future. It is now the future.

The past three weeks up here were wonderful- less work and more sunshine. Charles and I saw How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying on Sunday and it was INCREDIBLE. We almost fell out of our chairs laughing so much! And Daniel used an American accent the whole time.

I don't really have anything pressing to write, I'm just doing laundry :) Three weeks is too much to recap, but just know every day I am overwhelmed by how much I love Brooklyn and my peeps here. And know that the Lord provided big time this month and answered BIG prayers like crazy. Work really picked up this week--11pm nights every night so far. It's Tuesday...

I'm VERY excited to be Spencer's date to the Naval Academy Ring Dance at the end of the month!! AND Wilderness is getting closer!!!!!! I've started doing hot yoga instead of running to prepare because I got a month pass to a place near my apt. (I found a first grade teacher's report that stated I had great ideas but needed encouragement to follow through.) Case and point.

I love you and miss you!!

Things I...

Things I am very much looking forward to in the near and distant future (this is by no means a comprehensive list, I look most forward to seeing you):
1. Wilderness. Everything. The bus ride. The people I miss more than life itself. Being in Austin for a day before and after. Hiking and eating and sleeping on a mountain. I am borrowing hiking boots from people up here and have started running before work so I'll be able to keep up with the younguns!
2. My flight back to Texas for Wilderness. Jet Blue, Friday June 10th. I can't wait to touch the grass and eat breakfast tacos, and Chick-fil-A, and bbq, and enchiladas, and yogurt planet, and Whataburger...and wear shorts. I very much want to be warm right now.
3. Going to see How to Succeed in Business on Friday with Charles (though he doesn't know it yet) We've been trying to find a time to wait in line for student rush tickets, but I've just realized Friday might be our only chance for a while.
4. Cookie Day at work.
5. Cinco de Mayo. I do plan on celebrating, and I do plan on looking up what the day is for first.
6. Running tomorrow morning. I KNOW! I NEVER thought I'd say that, but I really look forward to running in the mornings now. (see #1) Shoot, I'll carry all the packs!
7. Talia's wedding. Oh. My. Gosh. How can I love someone so much when I only see them once every other year? And it'll be in Cali. I'll take any excuse to go to Cali.
8. Kels Pels's wedding
9. K Palm's wedding I love love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
10. Flying home and falling into the arms of every single person I miss.
11. Weekend trips to visit Rachel in Fredricksburg (though she also doesn't know this yet)
12. Taking a nap on a couch in the sun.
13. Riding my bike. Any bike.
14. The annual NY Lone Star chili cookoff. Texas Exes and A&M Alums still hash it out up here, and I will participate in the goodness.
15. Graduating... Too far? (but also looking forward to a college class schedule again)
16. Watching my friends graduate. High school and college...
17. Really learning German. I checked out a workbook from the library. Learn German in 10 minutes a day! Der Sohn und die Tochter sind auch bruder und schwester!
18. Going to sleep tonight. I'm tired...

Things I am not looking forward to:
1. Leaving this place and all these wonderful people

Tired at work

I'm at work, so sleepy, and the pile of paint samples I've been organizing for the past week is waning to an unclimatic end. I think I'll take a long lunch before my 1:30 meeting with Calvin...

The weekend was wonderful, and I'm SO looking forward to Easter weekend. Three reasons: 1. I get Good Friday off (but, from past experience I am not quite counting on it, just in case) Then again, for all the Sunday's I've worked for T&M, I think I should be able to take one self propelled Sabbath 2. I am helping with the Bowery Women's shelter on Saturday. A few Apostles girls are getting together and cooking a big dinner for the women. We get to do everything- decide on the menu, shop for the ingredients, cook from scratch. I'm pumped. and 3. Easter Easter Easter. I joined the Easter choir, so we'll be performing at both services. Awesome. At noon the boys of 62 Pearl are hosting a HUGE Easter brunch. Yum. I want to bake some of Scott's cornbread for the occasion.

I've also been getting to go to the Brooklyn community group on Tuesday nights, and have made so many wonderful Brooklyn friends! Not to discriminate, but since it takes an hour to get to my Manhattan friends' apts, I need Brooklyn friends. Yesterday, some girls that live nearby and my roomate and I had a taco picnic in Prospect Park. It was BEAUTIFUL! A little chilly, but the sun was out and the park was COVERED with people! Flying kites, taking naps, playing ridiculous, odd games, teaching their children how to catch, walking their dogs...It was a prime people watching locale. A great Sunday to top off an eventful weekend.

Friday, I got some friends together to go to Lepoissonrouge's Freedom Party that a coworker had invited me to. Before hand, a bunch of us got together and made/watched Trevor's friend-in-town make us a Mexican lasagna. And ate chips and queso. And chips and salsa. And peanut butter chocolate krispies. We headed over to the dance party around 11:30 (yes, we thought it was too late too) not knowing what to expect. Picture a soul train dance party. Rachel, my coworker, was so glad we came, so we danced for a couple hours and headed our seperate ways.

Saturday I considered going to the Yankees/Rangers game, but all of the sudden the weather had freaked and it was miserably cold and rainy. So I turned up the electric blanket and slept wayyy in. Went to an Apostles boy's surprise birthday party with some girls after pizza at London's apt, and danced some more. I have blisters on the bottom of my feet, but it was so fun. I love dancing, and I always try to do Tarvin proud :)

Sunday you know about, plus a great church service and dumplings afterward from the Dumpling Man (delicious). Now it's Monday, (monday monday yeaaah) Mike is back which means I may not be doing paint samples/trying to stay busy for much longer!

Just a quick check in!

"Let us know. Let us press on to know the Lord. His going out is as sure as the dawn. He will come to us like showers; like the spring rains that water the earth." Hosea 6:3

I know I haven't kept up with this blog, but New York has been wonderful. I'm going to start from this week on and post once a week as promised, but there is too much to catch you up on before I go to sleep in 2 minutes.

Personally right now, and these past weeks, I've been considering what it means to press on to know the Lord and leave my deep rooted idols behind. Over and over God's been teaching me (through the past month of sermons) how much I rely on and seek my own control over my life, and He's been sweetly showing me how that desire sits as the root of much of my heart--sins being the symptom of the underlying want for control. He has continued to provide as He said He would.

Lots of new Brooklyn friends (answer to prayer) new work friends (answer to prayer) and lots of interesting work (answer to prayer). I still miss and love Texas, and everyone there. I haven't been converted into a New Yorker yet :)

love you

Just before bed...

It's been a while, hasn't it? A lot has happened since our last rondevous: I paid rent (for a couple places), bought mousetraps (for our apartment's new pet), spent the weekend with bonafide UT students (not that that's rare up here), endured ice, rain and wind that'll knock you back on your heels, sledded in Central Park, drank the best hot chocolate I have ever had, roller discoed like a pro and stayed out until 7am.

In all that, it crept up on me. Homesickness. I was talking to Char on the phone and started tearing up hearing her voice and hearing her talk about our girls and the team. Then I talked to my roomates and wanted sooo badly to hug them. Add to that I bit of stress and 6 looming months, and you've got it. I see homesickness like this: it hits once everything in a new place goes slightly off kilter, when little tradgedies (like getting my coat stolen) add up to an overwhelming state, when the people you're with don't know you as deeply as you wish, it takes your breath away for a second, maybe a couple days, but it is something that can be fought off. I think I also subconciously see it as a sign of failure, and hate to admit it to myself when it happens, but I'm getting over that mindset. Berlin prepared me for it, thankfully--I'm finding more and more uses from that trip these days--and I found myself pouring back into the Word (which I hadn't been doing as much). Everything had been going so well up here, that I set the Lord aside- in practice if not in thought. He used my lonliness (or caused it, who knows) to call me back before I didn't think I needed Him anymore. I realized that when people asked me how it was going I literallly would say, "So great because of all of the wonderful people I've met up here." In my mind I meant: all of the wonderful people the Lord has provided for me, isn't He incredible? But that's not what I was saying, and eventually it wasn't what I was thinking.

But, He did call me back, and I'm ready to walk through this with Him.

The weekend was surreal because some of my best friends from UT architecture were up here for a field trip. We ate at an incredible restaurant for restaurant week on Thursday, and on Friday I got to take the afternoon off work and go on the building tours they were doing. Calvin Tsao, of my firm Tsao & McKown, designed one of the apartment buildings we toured, so he took us through it. We also got to see Shigaru Ban's Shutter House! Literally opportunities I would never have thought I'd get. Afterward, Calvin treated us on the top floor of the Standard Hotel--a FABULOUS hotel in the meatpacking district with THE MOST incredible view of downtown I will ever see. Picture swanky NY, this was it.

Saturday night I went to a roller disco and skated until I couldn't feel my feet! It was so fun, and so quirky, but so crowded-which of course made it even funnier-- After that we got to sneak in to the SNL after after party! It starts at 4am and is really for all the pages and celebrities that want to stay up that late- Tom from Parks and Rec was there as was Jason Sudeikis! It is in a secret location and needs a password, so we immeadiately felt cool being there. We stayed for a couple hours, but when we left, my coat was no where to be found :( sad day. Cue emotional pivot. My mama is mailing me another one though, so all is not lost.

Sunday was lazy with a touch of precious Brooklyn, church and GLEE!

Monday was work, same old, but afterward I went to Planet Fitness for the first time (which I am a proud member of as of Sunday-the $10 a month just got to me). Let me tell you, it was gaHETto. It also happend to be Pizza Monday, and as I used the elliptical, I watched 200lb women eat slice after slice of pizza in the massage chairs in their workout clothes. Whatevs. Tonight was better, though there was no toilet paper in the bathroom.

I figured I'd post before I forgot how, but I'm going to try to keep it up once a week! Hope you're having a wonderful week! I miss you so much!

One week later, still going strong...

A lot of work this week. A lot. BUT some cool stuff went down. The other intern, Kristina (Mimi) and I bonded like crazy until 2AM Monday and 6AM Tuesday as we built a HUGE site model for a new project in China. She is precious, and I'm so glad she was with me. I also got to meet the main guys from Arup engineers, who are like THE engineer firm to work with. I thought it was awesome! You may not...

It's been pretty hectic never being home until way after dark. I feel like this week was an endless reel of dirty subway stations (that are not reliable) and dark, cold walks through snow. That sounds really negative, but that's just what it's like sometimes. It's frightening sometimes how easy it is to fall back into the "I can pull through on my own mentality." I had to check myself when I started thinking of tangible ways to stay focused and positive. The Lord stuck his little hand under my foot though, and kept me joyful through the whole week. Hopefully Mimi will wonder why I didn't complain about the late hours behind our boss's back. If you're praying for me, be praying that I get opportunities to real talk with her, that we can discuss spiritual things to get her thinking about the Lord...

I love weekends now because they are actually weekends! I have no homework and can actually have a sabbath. Last night, Christine and I introduced fishbowl to the Upper East Side at game night at Trevor's. Of course it was a hit (almost as great as the queso). This morning I went to my first community group (Bible study through Apostles)! There were about 20 of us crammed onto three couches, all around the same age and most going through a similar stage in life. Granted, that can be detramental to a community, but it was great. We talked about contentment- what it means, how we find it, where we're trying to reach it now. I'm sure it's obvious that this city is constantly striving for greatness. It's constantly humming with anxiety and darting eyes. At the same time, it has come to accept that as a way of life. 12 hour work days are totally normal here. People, like we tend to do, have settled to be discontent, maybe because no one ever pointed out that it could be different. This morning we read through Phillipians 4, when Paul talks about an unconditional, secret contentment, or peace as I relate to it. We touched on the difference between contentment and complacency, and something Jeff said resonated with me: Don't strive for the best, realize you have the truest. The truest meaning the greatness of the Lord and His love for us. It's like being a millionaire and winning a free car wash. It's great, but you already have so much more.

If everything were taken from you, would Jesus be abundantly enough?

I've enjoyed reading through Daniel and 1 Corinthians since I've been here, and I can wait for the morning so I can sit at Prospect Perk and meet with Him.

Off to karaoke! Hugs and kisses!

So nice, they named it...

I know I only agreed to at least one entry per week, but there is no way to convey a week's worth of life in one blog... Instead of attempting to make a coherent story of the jumbled still frames in my mind, I'll leave the series of first lines that I have already written tonight.

Brooklyn, Brooklyn, Brooklyn...

My subway ride used to be as follows: Walk to the 6. Get off at Spring. Walk 8 blocks to work.
Then it was (when the icy wind got inhumane): Walk to the 6. Transfer to the L. Transfer to the C. End at the corner of Van Dam and 6th.
Now it is this: Walk to the C at Clinton-Washington through the snow. End at corner of Van Dam and 6th.
(I also used to wake up in time to get to work at 9:30)

There it was: that subtle spark that made everything clear. This is a girl's shower. An ambiguous quality, though it was, it was simply fact. The realization that I now lived in a girl apt felt like coming home.

I have to sit back on my heels a lot and remind myself that I'll be here for 6 months. I will see the spring and summer. The snow will melt. It will get colder before it gets warm. And the friendships I'm just finding will be crafted into something unimaginable by the end of my stay.

I love it here. I feel at home. I feel loved and known. I feel unafraid.

Worked til 10pm last night. Was supposed to get free dinner and a cab ride, but didn't have the guts to ask for them...

I NOW LIVE IN BROOKLYN! Did I mention that? Logan from Apostle's church forwarded me Amanda's email. Mind you, I had just prayed for an apt to pop up that was available immeadiately (couch hopping wasn't too appealing) and boom. At the same time I was praying, Logan was forwarding. I got the email. Screamed. Went to see it on Saturday and moved in Monday.

First weekend in NY: Went to friend's of the boys' to watch the aggie game (what?). Saturday!! Trev and I ventured to Brooklyn to check out my potential roomate! walked around Prospect Heights! (kids sledding in the park, dogs, snow, the whole shebang) Went to the MET...went to their friend's to eat some pizza. Sunday--laid around after helping out at church (got to thank Logan for sending me Amanda's way), went to Apostles and ran into MARIA CALADO! had a last night with the boys including cookie dough and homemade queso...

My roommate is Amanda Tyler- she's 24 (for sure, she just told me), studied interior design at LSU and has been up here for 2 years. We just went to dinner, bought ben and Jerry's and watched a Jane Austen flick on our unfurnished living room floor. Love.

"No one stops to think,
no one has the knowledge or understanding to say,
'Half of this wood I used for fuel;
I even baked bread over its coals,
I roasted meat and I ate.
Shall I make an idol from what is left?
Shall I bow down to a block of wood?'"
Isaiah 44:19

Trying to learn from Daniel up here. Man, that man had faith like...

My first night with a radiator in my room, I woke up terrified. I got out of bed to see why Amanda was screaming bloody murder. Then I realized it was the beast of a machine at the foot of my bed leaking heat into my room.

I have been sleeping on a couch that Trevor found on the street. I was not aware of this until recently. New York has a legitimate bedbug infestation.

bedtime. I love you. God has blessed me big this week! My room in Austin is still available (as of yesterday) PLEASE spread the word. Word.

First things first

I need hours to write about my past three days here...actually about the emotional roller coaster that I've been riding since Thanksgiving because of where I am right now...and how the Lord was there the whole time.

Flashback for those who never heard the story:
Architecture students at UT can do an internship for 6/7 months instead of taking a semester of school. Since freshman year my plan has been to do it in the summer and fall of 2011, hopefully in Africa or South America for poor children. When the semester began, I started praying regularly and desperately for some direction about residency because one day I would think I was supposed to be in Austin, Berlin, Seattle, Uganda... I got nothing definite, but I was okay with that. God had it under control. I stopped praying about it. He had heard me, and besides, I had a whole semester and a half to figure it out. One day, Katie Palmerton encouraged me and reminded me to pray without ceasing. So I plopped down in the union between classes and started praying. Please, God, tell me what to do about residency SOON... In the middle of my sentence I felt moved to check something online, and my friend Justin had messaged me that the firm he was working for wanted to hire for the spring. boom. After MANY hours of prayer and tears (shout out to K Tarv) I decided that it wasn't a coinsidence. I made sure I could still apply, sought some wise people's thoughts and set about making a portfolio to send in...and now I'm here (because I got the job). "My plans are higher than your plans" anyone?

Day .5 (leaving Dallas and arriving at Trevor, Charles and Clayton's apartment 12 hours later)
Was hard, made bearable by my sweet friends that I got to see the night before, and made unbearable by how sweet my dad and brother were when they dropped me off. Shaking, tears and frustration.

Day 1 and 2 were great! I like where I work and what they ask me to do and who I work with.
A few other people are staying in the boys' apt too, so it's been fun to have a lot of people to hang out with after work! All these lovely new friends are so friendly, and I've loved being here! I'll talk more about the actual city and answer all the questions I can imagine you're thinking right now.

Still looking for a permanent place to rest my head! But still hopeful! Love you, not homesick yet!